Magpie #84. Part 2

It rains down on me.
As hard as it can
And amidst the stormy waters and the earth and sky, I'm soaked.
Hair plastered to my forehead,
But, surprisingly, no despair.
Because it's been there, for a while now.

When I come up the stairs, I hear you, my friends, and I can't help but let a smile take over
Because we smil for mils
Just like we accidentally said so.
That time.

But this isn't about you
Or how you make me smil
This is about me
And the rain

And I want my hair plastered to my face
I want it to rain where I can hardly see
I want it to pelt against my whole body
As I stand in my black, flowing dress
And I look to the sky

No contacts in
Give me my vision
Or give me my death
I need to see
without a problem
Or any detriment to my story

I miss my hair
I miss my hair in the rain
I miss my hair in the rain and stuck to my back.
My bare, bare back
But you can't see all of it
Because it's covered.

I don't want to be covered
by a blanket,
by a towel,
by a promise,
by a wish,
by a reason,
or by a meaning.

Just by a black, flowing dress
that I can call mine
without having to say it
And those gloves
And my bare feet.
Bare feet.

I want to grip the rock with my toes
Solidifying the notion that I am not and never going anywhere.
But here
because I don't have to.

Let me spread my arms wide
Face to the sun
But there is no sun,
And that is fine with me.
Just let me spread my arms wide
And lift up
Why?
Because I can.
Because I miss it.

I really do kinda miss it.
I miss feeling empty but all right.
I miss being able to let go of everything because nothing really mattered,
just my tears.
I miss not thinking past the next second because I was all holed up in the moment.
I miss finding my PLACE more often because I actually took the time to take the time.

And, oh my gosh, I miss the rain.
So much.
I do not miss the cold.
I miss the rain.
I miss the rain of my tears when they didn't come from being angry.
I miss the rain of my life because I was so sad and, somehow, something that wasn't there just calmed me.
I think it was life.
And I miss it.
I miss my rain.
And when the rain falls, now, I try to catch a glimpse of a dark shadow before the horizon, and it's standing there with her arms open wide and, oh my gosh, that's me.
I want to be out there.
I NEED to be out there.
Just let me breathe.
Just let me stand
here
in
the
rain
and
let
me
be.

Let me get soaked to the rim
and the brim
Let this never, never end.
And please, oh PLEASE, let me rain.