Why, hello there Visitor. Let's set some ground rules...

1) I like you already because you're actually reading this!! yay! 1 point for YOU!

2) You may leave a comment on any of the posts you would like...explore the pages, or don't explore the pages. No biggie. But you can leave a comment even if you don't have an account. No, seriously, I'm superduper asking you to leave a message if you don't mind and especially if I know you in real life because I might just miss you a little bit. Without an account it'll be anon unless you sign your name ^_^.

3) Just know that I'll *bleep* out any bad words or just trash the whole thing if it's too offensive. Yeah, I'll post a comment that says someone posted a comment-ALWAYS- but that it was too offensive for me to feel okay putting it on here...

And that is all of the dirt(/ground) rules. Thanks so much for reading that whole thing! I will feel content to just imagine people reading this...aaahhhhh :)

Have a nice day!
Love, peaches, Chicken greases, Rock on foozsh, 3wgs.
I wish you enough [insert word here].

ps. I started a 365 day challenge (here) forever and a day ago and hopefully one day I'll get back to it because that would be fun and pretty cool :).
update: #3 has never been a problem lol but who knows...maybe one day it will be


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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Two Songs... Nope, Now Make That Three

No Surprise by Daughtry - part of it is just perfect for how I felt about breaking up with Sir Some Guy
Your Love Is A Song by Switchfoot - I just... love love love this song. I guess I don't know exactly who I'm singing it for anymore.. I guess.. Yeah, probably still Sir Some Guy, but not to be singing that it still is now. But that's okay because it was and I can still feel it. It just doesn't affect me in the way it used to.
Which is fine.
Sad, but fine.

When A Heart Breaks by Ben Rector - Yes, Ben Rector. Yes. And this one is for them all.  It's for all my friends: Sir Some Guy, LexbriChappers, and my other friends who have been through heartbreak of any sort whether or not I've noticed it as much as these past three (except the fictional kind ;) I know how important that is to people, yes. I really do. But this song just ain't for you from my mind). One of my favorite lines is "it isn't easy. It isn't clear. And you don't need Jesus 'til you're here." That's the part that really speaks to me, for me and also for Sir Some Guy...since I think we're the only two out of that (at least the ones I can think of off the top of my head) who actually believe in Jesus and go to Church and stuff. Another favorite is "I know the pain of a heartbreak." For me, when I sing it (and when I don't), it completely speaks to me for all of them + me. Another favorite part is, "I don't have answers and neither do you. I know the pain of a heartbreak." Right now for me, this is especially directed towards Lexbri since she recently went through a breakup and it's been hard on her (well, duh, it'd be hard on anyone. And on the off chance that she's reading this...: I want you to know that there is not time frame by which you "should be over him". That's really silly. Everyone is different and if you're not over him as much as you think you should be in the next day, week, or six months, that's okay! Heck, I wasn't absolutely 100% over him until... four months later (when I woke up from a dream about it all in the beginning of summer and realized I wanted nothing to do with him xD It was kind of amusing...as if it were straight out of a movie. I made myself sit right up and everything directly after I woke up and repeat it out loud. "Wow. I'm actually completely, 100% over him!" and I don't think I said this out loud but I remember thinking, "Wow...I thought I was already over him," but I really don't think I had been up until that point). A similar set of phrases to the last one I mentioned, "I don't need answers. I just need some peace. I just need someone who could help me get some sleep, who could help me get some sleep." is also one of my favorites. And I think I have that. Lexbri, Chappers, and others definitely fall into that category. Sir Some Guy and I are still friends and I could still tell him probably close to as many personal things as before, but the only thing that "could help me get some sleep" about him is my content feelings with the fact that we are as close as we are, even if maybe it doesn't seem like anything in comparison to what we had before.

Fine, here's another one that just came up a few minutes ago because my Pandora is playing while I'm writing this and while I'm writing about songs that have been speaking to me recently, I might as well mention these other two. First:

A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope - Chappers. This has always been for Chappers, but not from my point of view for him. When he really liked one of our other friends, and I listened to this song, I immediately thought of him and how this is probably how he was feeling and how much I hoped things would work out between them. Maybe it didn't work out the way Chappers (or I) was thinking of, but it worked. (not that I necessarily thought they would get together...I really had no sufficient knowledge on it. I just knew that he was unhappy to be in the friendzone and I wanted him to be happy. If I ever put someone in the friendzone who despises it as much as he does... akdlfajsdkA I WILL EAT SOMETHING IN PURE RAGE. OR JUST BE RAGEFUL IN PURE RAGE. ugh.-_-.)


The Beat by Ben Rector - And then there's The Beat by Ben Rector (I just love his music, especially from his album, "Into The Morning".) It's perfect, I think, for any of my friends: Chappers, Bisael, Sherlock, Lexbri, the rest of them that I can't list right now because I need to go eat ASAP... BUT IT'S JUST FOR "ALL OF YE", my dear friends. And it's just a very "forward-motion", moving song to me. Moving in the way "I Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot is. It's one of those songs that gets inside of me and dares me to move. It has a great upbeat tone, too, which makes it also different from "I Dare You To Move".

In Addition....

Rocketship by Shane Harper - I also love this song. I guess I'm putting it on here mostly because it's got a great beat and I love the lyrics and the beat and I found it fairly recently and discovered Mr. Shane Harper recently. It's just a great upbeat song about love...instead of another one of those sad ones asking "do you love me or are you going to break my heart are you going to make me cry?" it's happy and cute and probably how I would feel if I fell in love again and I love it. Shy but wondering and needing to know...except idk because it's not like this song is speaking to me about anyone, I just love it.

Okay, well, that's a wrap.

I also will forever-love "Never Say Never" by the Fray. Beautiful, beautiful song. You should really look up the lyrics and I love singing it.

-Love, Peaches, Chicken Greases. Rock On.\m/-

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Here's My Stats (and other info) for NaNoWriMo

Okay, so I know by the time I get these next two sentences finished, it's not going to be November anymore... but that's okay! I want to share with you all my official stats and stuff...
You can, of course, just go to this link in my previous post (here) to see it...but whatever. XD

Okay, so my final word count was 10,197 words
That made for:

an average of 339 words per day
with 939 words written today
and 10,197 words in total
out of the 50,000 target word count
and the target average words per day of 1,667.
At this rate, it seems, I will finish on March 27, 2013
so my goal is to finish BEFORE then.

Friday, November 30, 2012


:D I'm really actually proud of myself for the work I put into my novel for the National Novel Writing Month challenge that happens every year in November. :)
I put up a good fight, I think.
My final word count is 10,197 words :))
Yes, that's very very far away from the target of 50,000, but I do believe I was a bit lot too preoccupied being epic in my social and personal life and dealing with all of that stress to get to the target.

I am so so happy the new 9th grade English teacher was so insanely supportive of NaNoWriMo, and I plan to do it for many many more years.

Even though it IS over and I'm NOT done (as you can see here), I plan on finishing my novel in the early months of next year at the very latest.

Congrats to all who met the challenge and congrats to all those who didn't but tried!
The idea that I am brilliant for even trying is what has kept me going. And that the world isn't going to end just because I didn't finish, so I'll probably have enough time to finish.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Sooo Black Friday..

Well it was cool. It really was.
I think my mom went crazy at one point. It wasn't visible to anyone else but me (and maybe my dad). Idk.
I guess I'm just not used to buying ALL OF THAT STUFF AT ONE TIME. Is anyone else with me? Anyone?

Yes, well, we were in Best Buy for a good hour even after mom found out (less than an hour) they didn't have what she was looking for. But then they got distracted by the 3d TV. (Expect that to come back up at a later date ;)). Okay, okay, so I got distracted by it earlier too lol. I was watching a video of a fish and I just .... I HAD TO KEEP MYSELF from reaching out to touch it.

Here's a monologue:
Me: woah
Me: Oh my gosh...
Me: Oh my gosh.
Me: *getting louder* Oh my gosh!
Me: *notices people passing by* ...

I really really wanted to reach out to touch that fish.

Annnd to be continueeeed... (Because this is a good place to stop but my iPad actually does weird things when I write too much on here oh wait it didn't happen but I really need to go my time is limited today. Very limited. I'll be back, I promise. And don't I always come back? Yes, yes I do. I'd never just up and leave this place. It means too much and it's done too much for me. And it's been too good to me ... And yeah enough with the sappy ness [even though I love it]: love peaches chicken greases. Rock on)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Word of the Dayze

Godhead- (noun)

a. the essential being of God; the Supreme Being
b. the Holy Trinity of God the father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Ghost

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Oh boy, guys!

I've already had 3 viewers on here today! Omg I can't believe it! that is so cool!


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Well. My Heart Hurts.

Well now that I've officially broken up with my boyfriend of eight months....
I figured I'd come here first to share the news.
Then I'll go to 2belonginthisworld
and eventually, when I have more time, I'll let my tumblr peeps know.
As if most of them knew I was dating someone in the first place, right?

Anyways, I figured it was most important to come here because this has ALWAYS been here for me.

I think I started this after my first (and middle school) heartbreak.
I'm actually kinda glad I got to be the one to officially end this.
Somehow, it seems it's left me with a little more closure.
Now, I just need to find my phone and shoot him a brief text and pointing him towards his Facebook messages for the lengthy explanations and thank yous and stuff.

Because I really appreciate all he did for me.
It was a beautiful, wonderful relationship and I adored him. I really have all this time.
He was a rock and he was the Venus that blew my mind and kept me going and came to me at the most important times.
I guess one of us just got uprooted–maybe both of us–and we drifted a little too out of reach.

[*It's Not My Time by 3 Doors down]

Anyways, that's it. I'm single. I'm a free bird again! But this time, the free bird is once again sad and there is a great weight on my wings.
After I sent him the message, I changed my relationship status from nothing listed to "single".
As I started writing the message, I made a chat for me, Lexbri, Chappers, and Sherlock.
We talked and I cried and I know they support my decision and they'll always always be there for me and I love them more than anything and I think they kind of know that. But not enough. They quite possibly will never know enough.
They'll come close, because they're just that awesome ;) but I'll make sure my love and appreciation for them will be so great that they will never, ever, fully, completely understand.
--I'll share the beautifully kind and generous words they said about me later. Right now, it's kind of late and I have to take a practice ACT tomorrow for the first 4 periods of school. Wheeeee :P

[*Real World by Matchbox Twenty]

After I changed my relationship status, I changed my profile picture to that one with my state date from XC that I was meaning to change to before I officially made up my mind anyways.
I also changed my cover photo to one of me and Lexbri that Chappers took when Sherlock came back in town and we (and a couple others, including Bisael) spent a few hours in market square
When Laure from France gets back with me, I may change my cover photo to that of me and those two lovely Frenchies. I miss them.

Oh my gosh. God, I am so blessed with these wonderful, beautiful people in my life. Whether they come and stay in my life for eight months, 10 years, 16 years, 4 years, 1 year and counting, or a few days, thank You so much for all of them. You are so Great. And You have made me so blessed and I don't know why sometimes You do these such great things for me, but I am forever, forever grateful and thankful.
And I think I'm at peace now. For now, anyways.
I'm meeting with Dr. S on Thursday. I can't wait to tell her and get a good cry out of it.
I love You, God!
Thank you for all of this and thank You for Sir Some Guy. Thank You for all the time You gave us together. I so appreciate it...
There are so many good memories of that.
and it seems that he just might always have a special place in my heart of memories.
Thank You. Goodnight. I see now a little.... How Thou Shall Have It.
I went out on a limb and I feel okay.
But still, I pray:
I still need to put this in Your hands and let go of it because I'm not done letting go yet... but here it is, Father, here are my sorrows and this relationship and I put it in Your hands now so You can have it As Thou Shall Have It.

*Soldier by Gavin Degraw*

Thank You for being my soldier and for helping me to be a soldier, God.
Thank you, my friends... my dearest, dearest friends... for being my soldiers and helping me to be a soldier.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do this as well without you any less of any of you.

Monday, November 5, 2012


HAHAHA WOW I haven't been on Pinterest since that first October day that I got it. I remember that was a Sunday.

Okay. Well... I just felt like sharing my thought.. So.. tata for now!

I Will Be A Writer. I Will Write Books.

Say hi to my new mantra!
I'm waiting.
Seriously, go ahead and say it...


And if that's something that you would like to become true of you as well.. um there's this thing (THIS REALLY COOL THING, BTW) called National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short) and this really long linky here goes to their website (nanowrimo.org). Since it's the fifth, we're on the fifth day of writing so if you start now you may have a whole heck of a lot of catching up to do (about 8,800 words if you want to go by the clean-cut division that the NaNoWriMo peeps made of the 50,000 words in 30 days)... but you will be among friends in having a lot of catching up to do.

I, for one, have school that I have to o to and study for and do homework for. I have 5,000-something words, and as I previously mentioned, the "clean-cut" and ideal amount of words to have on the 5th of November is 8,000-something.

That is okay.
You get pep talks from people in your NaNoMail .. and it's really really super nice because each and everyone of the pep talks so far has helped me.
I'll tell you what I liked best about each one later. Maybe this weekend or something when I have more time.

As for now, Happy Non-Daylight Savings Time!

Andnnndd.. I am proud to announce that my Cross Country team won our State meet on Saturday!! WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON!!!!!

And now I'm going to get the date, "2012" on the back of my jacket and we get rings. Guys! I'm going to get a RING of all things! For my cross country team!
Even though I've officially moved over to the bowling team, now that I am no longer doing cross country, I have this empty spot where it used to be.

As we were riding on the bus back from the meet, I looked around and suddenly had no idea what the heck I was going to do with myself after that.
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore.
Cross Country, over time, became my life this year.

Oh, and I lost my iPad, which is probably the worst news.

I also saw Sherlock and Babb, which is probably the best news.

Other bad news is that I still haven't heard from Sir Some Guy (my boyfriend) and now we're going on 4 weeks.
As I said on my pinker ;) blog, I'm willing to start over with him, but I'm not going to wait forever for him to contact me.
This really is NOT COOL.
And it's annoying the heck out of me.

However, I have homework that I need to be figuring out how to do.
So much homework.
At least it's only 9. It feels like 10. And that's probably because I'm not used to Non-Daylight Savings Time yet.

That's okay, though. I'll probably get used to it.

^_^ I'm getting back into the habit of blogging and it's really making me happy.
I might even (if I have time, which I probably won't) give my blog (yes, this one!) the makeover it's been silently screaming for since forever over the weekend.

love/peaches/chicken greases/rock on,

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

WElcome to 9:20 pm


Wish Me Luck At Regions Tomorrow! WOO! My LAST meet of the season!!!

Okay so tomorrow I have to be at school at 5:50 am so we can leave and get to Regions XC Meet on time so the varsity can run 4 hours after we leave school (10 am and 11 am) and I can run at 2:32 pm because I'm on JV girls and we're so unimportant that we don't even get our own starting time on the schedule or get timed at all, because they just have us go 2 minutes after the JV guys start.
But, hey, I get to pass some slow guys so it’s cool. It’s a nice confidence boost. Nighty night ♥ Have fun at school tomorrow! I’m not going to be there :PP

Love, peace, chick grease   

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Hey Hey It's an october Day... Well, Night...

Sooo... I cracked my computer screen. Yup. Stepped on it. I get pretty frustrated about it sometimes, but for now, it adds character I suppose..

Anyways... Just want to say that I think I'm getting sick because I have that awwfull sick taste/feeling in the back of my throat that you get before you get sick and nothing else feels worse except the occasional headache that probably has nothing to do with being sick and feeling any sort of badness from being tired because I'm running almost every day and going to school 8(hours)/5(days a week)...

Also, I noticed something about my brother's cough... (oh, yes, and I've also started sneezing a lot, which I don't really mind at this point because they aren't hurting the back of my throat yet. Yaay!). Okay, when he cougs sometimes, it takes him a second for it to sound like an actual cough. First, he has to do this coug that sounds more like a loaded foghorn than a cough and then he comes out with the big guns in the second round and brings out that hacking cough that kind of sounds like he's either dying or hacking out his lungs using only his lungs.
I mean, seriously, think about how uncomfortable that would be! Geez!

Also, I just got on Pinterest on Sunday because Sephora was having a contest/giveaway and I was like, hey, why not? It's kind of sad that they've done so well because We Heart It is, like, the exact same thing :( and I have an account on We Heart It...and I guess Pinterest is a little easier to navigate, but I feel like I have this nationalistic-like spirit directed towards the website, instead of such a spirit being directed towards feeling a strong bond between one and one's country, for lack of a better word. 

The really amusing thing was that Abwigail started following me literally 2 minutes after I had joined and gotten set up. So guess how she spends her Sundays now? Uhuh, you betcha. Hello, lovely Pinterest. Also, even though I remembered about it, I didn't remind her to call me to talk about this apparent boy in her life that she's got her sights set on (and maybe he's got the hots for her too? I don't know!) I kind of feel bad, but I really didn't want to risk the chance of her asking about Sir Some Guy and me not knowing what to tell her other than, "I haven't heard from him in a few days," again, and her saying, "You don't deserve that, girl!", and me totally agreeing but still not wanting to end the relationship. Besides, even if I wanted to end the relationship, I couldn't because I can't get in touch with him. Does it sound frustrating? If you answered yes, Ten points to your household! (what is your household by the way?)

So, yeah.. I think that's about it. This is a pretty freaking good post for not being on here for a while. Oh, and remember that 365 day challenge? Yeah, that's really funny, maybe I'll start up on that again. Truth be told, I just didn't want to take the time to come up with the answer to the next question >.>. Either that, or I should have been doing something else (like right now I should really be going to bed, except it's only 10:15 so even if I go to sleep in 15 minutes, I'll get more sleep than usual--YAY!) so I didn't want to take the time to do it. So either I didn't finish it because I'm lazy or [time-]inefficient, but quite possibly a mixture (or compound?) of both and other substances (or elements?).

Well, goodnight to all of you! I love you so much and thanks for hanging in with blogger! I love that there's still the sophisticated (haha that's what we want people to think, right?) community on here that I fell in love with from the very start!

Love, Peace, Chicken Grease, Rock on Foozsh,
<3kitty p="p">

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Magpie #136

Spinning colors
Except that isn't what I see when I look closer

Now it seems
A blender of sorts
Invisible, yet so obviously there
And without lines
Or barriers
to hold it to a shape.

Painter paints motley crew of pictures
Things he likes
And things he hates
Then grab a few
And pull them in
Blender starts spinning pictures like tie-dye
Missing a few items here and there
Which is fine because the painter will add more items later
On top

And now from afar,
The center could just look like tie-dye
But as you peer closer
You see a nicely drawn face
With big eyes
Being flushed down, down, down
Until no longer comprehensible
Something, or someone, you might as well forget about
But you probably won't
And for the same reasons.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Magpie #135

Close to breath
Close to touch
Close to in-between
Hardest rock
And breathless night
Cover beneath the seams
Are you there?
Or are you not?
Our eyes darkened like caves
Your black night cave eyes
Spilling out
Down your cheeks
And down your face

I feel like I can grab you
I know it all too well
But then I look again
And think
You're not so there so well.

The shadows cut across you
The lines divide our stride
You are sketched
And I am pink
Against this yellow sky
You blend in
But do not fade
Although you seem to disappear
And I am clothed
But not too well
While I fight to keep you here. 

That Girl Who Stole The Eiffel Tower: Simple Rules

That Girl Who Stole The Eiffel Tower: Simple Rules

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Things I'd Never Have Thought I'd Love...But Do:

☺ Driving
☺ Doing My Own Laundry
and yeah...even.. ☺ Swimming
^^even though I don't consider swimming as something in the same category as the other two. Driving and doing my own laundry seemed to be annoyances. [competitive and during practice] Swimming was a fear. 

August 7, 2012. It's A Tuesday.

Mom is sick, school starts in less than a week, and Sherlock is gone-- his California Dreamboat self has pulled out to sea.
Summer is winding down.

Friday, July 27, 2012

London, the Melting Pot

I love it. ^_^

this rapper.

"they will not force us they will stop degrading us they will not control us we will be victorious"

I love the camera inside the house. Perfish.


"the world wide web is for everyone to enjoy and for no one to abuse"

Guys. ^^^^^^ This is it.

Oooohh ... David Beckham.

Those fireworks off the London Bridge. If I ever stand on that bridge, I want to stand on it at night so I can have the realization of all of this again.

Rowan Atkinson is an amazing person.

Okay and the Super Bowl has NOTHING on the Olympics' commercials.
Seriously guys, there's no point anymore.
The Olympics is the world.


Hello, Union Jack. It’s an honor to see you and your colors flying tonight. And your guard. An honor. A real honor.

Oh my gosh, Your Royal Highness, Queen of England, if you start crying I’m going to start bawling.
Those awesome kids.

Names of The Olympics

Kenneth Branagh

Okay, who decides ... who figures out what to do for these things???
this is amazing.
I love the *moment of calm* for people of all nationalities who lost lives in the war that "was to end all wars."

Oh, world. Please forgive us.

Yup, I'm already crying, guys.

Danny Boyle's carnival.

I love the industrialized floor.

"the forging of a massive ring"
"they're getting an eyeful, and earful, and now a noseful."

There are so many different people....everywhere. This is stunning.
and Kenneth Branagh, he looks amazed. He's got the best seat in the house.

Oh my gosh, those rings are gorgeous.
And all those beautiful people.
Oh my goo, I love their sideburns...


those two men watching who look like they're about to cry near the end of the Childrens' Choirs songs.

Kenneth Branagh "be not afeared, be not afeared..."
"that when I waked, I cried to dream again."


Warriors are athletes and athletes are warriors. Oh my goo i love gymnasts even though I'm always fraid they're going to break something. GOOD LUCK QUEENS OF THE BEACH VOLLEYBALL COURT GOOO AMERRRRIICA!!!! This is amazing. 100ths of a second are everything. GO MICHAEL PHELPS. YOU ROCK. I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU!!
Okay, okay, wave your flag, Britain. You rock too.
"Here, where fairytales never end."
"faster, higher, stronger" in all your languages, amazingnesses.
If you're not watching or didn't watch I'm going to hunt you down and you're missing out and this is amazing you don't want to miss it I promise.

More on London Olympics 2012

I'm watching 44 Most Memorable Jeers of June on Sports Center. Poor guys....

Okay and the Olympics start at 7:30 pm here so maybe I haven't missed it.

YAY! I really hope I haven't missed it yet!


(I think. I hope)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Word Of The Dayze


I don't care if it's not technically a word. It is, for now, in this:

(from wryer

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I swear, if The Beast comes with us to Spain and Italy (and Morocco), I'm going to kill him.

And not just kill him at anytime, but I’m going to wait until we’re right outside Rome where you can see all the awesome stuff there and I’m going to kill him somehow right there right as he thinks, “Oh wow. I’m actually here, in Rome!!! OH MY GOSH!!” And then he’s going to realize he’s never going to actually get to go and BAM. IT’S OVER.
(Disclaimer: Except I wouldn’t really do that. I’d like to kill The Beast, but not the person it resides in and I actually have no way of doing that. :l I’m not really the killing type. Just the I-sometimes-get-really-pissed-at-The-Beast-type.)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Day 16: someone you trust

My bestfriend: Bisael
My mother <3
My boyfriend

Day 15: a song that makes you cry and why

The song that makes me cry the easiest is Already There by LoneStart.
This great sadness associated with this song developed when I listened to it when my dad was in rehab for the first time. Now, if I just think about the song and the lyrics, I slightly tear up.
It's just... the thoughts that Dad was away from the rest of us that first time and that he wasn't able to come back for a while were really disappointing.
I always took for granted that my dad was there. I never thought he would be miles and miles and hours away at any point in time. His work never took him out of town so even though I didn't see him every night, I never thought of him as "far away". It was just normal. But, then, he wasn't even there if I needed him.
I could just relate so easily to every single word in the lyrics... and I still can.
I knew my dad was sad to be so far away and so were the rest of us.
"Daddy, when you comin' home?"
The fact that he could be "already there" was actually kind of overwhelming and all the overwhelming feelings I already had encompassing me at the time have stuck with that song throughout these past three years and they've never left.

My Anxiety Can't Be THAT Bad... :'''(


Tomorrow... I will be going to many doctor's appointments. One for a physical in the early morning, one at the orthodontist, one with my therapist, and onnee with a person to get meds to help with my picking?? I guess that's the place mom is having me go to get meds for my anxiety issues. I, personally, didn't think any anxiety that I have is THAT bad and the thought of having to take medicine for it is just making me MORE anxious than I was before!



My goal was to stop picking.
My goal was not to brainwash my brain to keep myself from picking by the course of drugs.

I don't want to have to use external measures forced down my own throat to quit a habit that I could quit by myself.

I guess I just don't want to be dependent on a substance.
I really, really, really, don't want to be dependent on a substance.

Something To Believe In by Parachute

Good night.

Monday, June 25, 2012

More Me Thoughts...

I have my moments. The good and the bad.
I can be brave, but I can also get really really scared and consumed by the fear.
So when I'm talking to some people about insecurity and I seem totally sane but also seem like I don't necessarily think I am, they tell me because they've never seen me having a panic attack.
Some people would just walk away if they saw me having a panic attack, so it's probably good that they haven't.
But every thought and feeling of downness and negativity is completely avoidable, or so I believe with all of and every crevice of my heart.
Does that mean I'm going to always avoid negative thoughts?
But why not?
Because there's something strangely satisfying and comforting in being completely in touch and completely aware of every feeling and thought and everything in your mind.
As long as you don't stay there too long, it's okay.
If you do stay there too long, however, you will easily become stuck
and being stuck SUCKS.
It sucks a whole heck of a lot to tell you the truth.

About Me

When I talk to you...if I really enjoy you, or trust you, or probably just WANT to trust you (and I'd like to trust everybody), or if I'm just talking to you and I get brave (which could happen at any moment), there will come a point at which I share each and every one of my thoughts. At that point, I am simply, and inexplicably unsimply, sharing my thoughts and it is up to you whether or not you care or agree. I do not state thoughts to be right, but to share with you the innards of my brain and mind that you may not get to see otherwise. I like to be open. :)

Another message ish...

Urge, if I drive one person away because I'm too open with them... :l


And now! A message for all of my friends....

Thank you very very muchly for putting up with me! It really means a lot to me. :)) I love you all!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Day 14: write about something you believe in, anything at all

I believe in nice people. I believe in kind souls. I believe in God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, and that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal, everlasting life. I believe in love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe in myself (most of the time, if not usually, if not at least sometimes). I believe in fairytales. I believe in Disney and don't think they messed up any child's mind at all by pretending that reality is something it's not. I believe in my friends, my boyfriend, my family, and all people (most of the time, if not usually). I believe in cute dogs. And I believe in my capabilities. I believe in soul mates. I believe in belief and faith. I believe in MUSIC. I believe in my mind (most of the time, if not usually). I believe in MY WRITING. <3 I believe in a lot of things, to put it simply and inexplicably unsimply. <3

Day 13: your favorite quote

"People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, play you, rate you, and break you, but that's what makes you." -Anonymous
"Winners never quit and quitters never win." Vince Lombardi

Day 12: the best advice you’ve ever heard, or ever been given

lol so I'm going to start this again XD
It's summer and I haven't done this since before Christmas break.

This quote: "People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, play you, rate you, and break you, but that's what makes you."
From my friend Benji: To stay positive and that things are going to be okay.
From tumblr: To never start cutting because it's extremely hard to stop.
From karate: Quitters never win and winners never quit.
From tumblr and other inspirations: To never judge other people by what they do or say or how they seem. To never be mean for no reason because it just hurts and no good comes out of it. To never tell somebody to "go and die" because they might actually do it. To always be there for people, especially yourself.


Oh wow. Okay. This blog is officially NOT NEGLECTED anymore. XD


Oh wow! Lol I forgot about the end of the world in December XD
Let's see if that happens.


...omg.... what... what if it did??

(from my phone)

Broadcast Camp Rant #5

Broadcast Kid W (to me and Counselor Rus the Bus): I have more power over you!

Broadcasting Camp Rant #4

Broadcast Kid J: Hey! Look! That's my signature angle!
Me: Uuuuuhhhh lol. No. That's just you zooming in on two players with the ball.
Me: Everyone does that.

Broadcasting Camp Rant #3

Broadcast Kid W: This video SUCKS
Me: Okay, kid, why don't YOU do it and I'll criticize every little thing you do that isn't perfect. Oh, and REMEMBER we only have ONE, SMALL, CHEAP (well, as video cameras go) video camera for the whoooooooolllleee baseball field.
Me: oh & btw.. You're going to fail.

(from my phone)

Broadcasting Camp Rant #2

rawr :(( you know what is SO ANNOYING? Broadcast camp. Kids. And their veerry unprofessionalism. ugh 2 the YELLING. and oh my goo you know what else? The criticizing your own team. No, not your team playing the game, but your broadcasting team. They say, "I don't know what our video person is doing. It's really screwed up." & "What the heck is going on with our video? It's not moving. This is dumb. They're not even following the ball." "You're terrible! Stop moving the camera!" and I'm like, "Shut upp! You have no idea how to do it yourself! You've never done it before and for the one person who has... you did it after I figured out what to do! In filming baseball it is a little (actually a lot) deifficult to figure out whether to follow the baseball or the runner! oh my gosh... argh!" & I know they're just campers and they're learning but it gets to be annoying after a while so I have to write it out like this so I feel better. :) And so I'm not as grumpy.

(from my phone)

Broadcasting Camp Rant #1

ugh kids are so full of themselves when they think they know what they're doing. I don't care if you DO know what you're doing. You don't have to act like you know everything & be so full of it.


Apparently I'm not going to get to sleep outside tonight because it's already getting dark and I probably can't set up a tent in the dark and tomorrow is going to be Monday and I haven't run yet and I really need to and tomorrow I have swim team and tomorrow I'll only have 14ish days left until I go out of the country and I haven't seen any of my friends in over a week and I miss them and I want to see my boyfriend before I leave and he's going to be in boy scout camp all week and I'm not sleeping outside tonight and I really really really really really really really really wanted to.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

My mom...

My mom thinks I have high anxiety. ....


That would explain a lot.

Whyyyy Hellowww Yellowww

The best thing I could have had at 15 was for my house to less big. (but still the same house) That way, I wouldn't get up in my room and not want to walk all the way downstairs to get something to eat at any given moment oh shoot I forgot to take my steroids and antibiotic okay bye <3 I love you :D


I think that when I get older and out on my own... at first..

I'm either going to be really fat or really skinny
I'm either going to not eat or eat everything in sight.

...yeah... okay.

And neither would happen because I don't like my weight or I think I'm too fat or too skinny because I think I'm just right... I just think this would/could happen. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

Yyaaaayyyy more questions. Get to know me. ;D

The best asks, ever :)
1: What eye color do you find sexiest?
Uurrrhhmmm...idk....eehhh... Brown, I suppose XD 
2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha?
Lol neither! But if I HAD TO...dark chocolate..
3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?
Oooooooooohhhhh.... Like....a big tiger face...growling. ^_^
4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?
Um.. Big. And yes. :)
5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)
Ooohhh... My second and fourth grade teachers.. But especially Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood
6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now?
Banana strawberry. :)) yumm
7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?
Farting in front of people. 
8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?
Making a joke about "asinus infection" on a chat with the guy I liked (/was possibly dating if I remember correctly) and one of my friends back then...I didn't realize "asinus" means "butt" in Latin... >///>
9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?
Walking in on a teacher meeting without knocking.. But that wasn't too bad. 
10: Pirates or ninjas? Why?
NINJAS!! Because they're hot! LOL just kidding.... But theyre all so...ninja-y and know Kung fu and karate and martial arts and CAN BE MAGICAL so they TOTALLY beat parrots and cannonballs. XD
11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?
lol nope. 
12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?
Yes! And not excited...unless I happened to be out with friends and already excited. I have a swing set at home so it's normal for me to see a swing set. 
13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?
Ummmm.... A tiger just like Jasmine's out of Aladdin!...haha I've mentioned tigers twice ... And they're not even my favorite animal or anything. Or maybe an alpaca? Nah. A giraffe? ...nah... A penguin!
14: What's your most favorite part of your body?
My legs ^_^ or my face XD or my hair. :)) I like my arms a lot too. <3
15: What's your most favorite part of your personality?
That I try to be kind to everybody and stick hard to my morals. 
16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?
Both! But WHO CARES if their music is similar? Cat fights are so lame. It's just music. There's only so many ways to sing the notes, you know. 
17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?
Yes! And the Puppy Bowl. ;D
18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?
Nope. Never been drunk either. I've never drunk alcohol, for that matter. 
19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life?
Chocolate maybe. 
20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?
Butter. And butter. 
21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?)
WHOLE IS YUMMEH. lol yes...I do know that...
22: Which continents have you been on?
North America annnnddd...I think that's it. Lol
23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?
Occasionally, if it's really bad...but no. 
24: Backpacks or satchels?
Ummm satchel!
25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?
YES OMYGOO YES. YES. YES. Oh my goo they all sound so fun. ^_^
26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Ummm... OH! Well, I had a few and I can't remember all of them..:: Tarzan...yeah we'll go with that. 
27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?
A cow! Because then we could get free milk!
28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?
....hmmm...Hong Kong? Only a super clean one? That seems like it would be pretty interesting. 
29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on?
12ish hours, probably. 
30: The latest you've ever slept?
Until 4:30 in the afternoon I think!
31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free?
YES & YES lol if I liked the first and definitely (especially if they asked me to) with the second
32: Do you pick at scabs?
Sadly, yes. 
33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?
Hmmm....I like kidney beans a lot :)
34: How far can you throw a baseball?
Probably less than a hundred yards... 
35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?
Hmmmm..... Italy I guess. That's really far away... Actually, England. 
36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?
Yes and it was actually really good. No. No. No. :)
37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?
Hmmmm public university. Because I go to a private school and there would bbe so many possibilities. I think it would be a fantastic adventure. <3
38: A relationship with love or one with sex?
LOVE, always. <3. Abstinence until marriage, baby. ;D
39: Do you eat enough vegetables?
Probably not lol
40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?
Yes and yes but I'd usually rather watch something else and usually do. 
41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public?
If no one was looking. XD
42: Do you swear in front of your parents?
hah, no. I don't swear in front of anyone except myself 99.99% of the time and I don't even swear when I'm by myself about 99% of the time, I'd say, unless it's in a song. ;) but nothing really big like the f-word
43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween?
Hmmm.... Medusa was pretty cool but I think I gotta go with Supergirl
44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?
Nah, I wouldn't. But I would definitely chalk the ends different colors sometime for fun. :))
45: Do you want to get married? Have kids?
Yes. And yes. :))
46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.
Sometimes. Lol okay. ^_^
47: City or nature person?
Both. I'm in love with both. :))
48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?)
Haha nooo
49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy?
50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!
1. I have a black belt in karate!!!
2. My friends really respect me and think I'm super nice. XD
3. I'm a really awesome singer (lol especially when I'm by myself)
4. I cut, like, 15 seconds off of the times (in total) for my races in track this year.  
5. I've never cut and I've never considered suicide for myself and the plan is to never consider it because both of those things ARE NOT options for me. :DD
Source: im-awkwarddd 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Magpie #121

Magpie #121

The letters and the faces,
they line up among the places
where I placed them on my brown desk many moons ago
Now there lies but on face
and scattered letters calling in chase
for him to come back home
And the bill of rights
and the bill of times
the bill of electricity lays too
And I would say I don't know what to do
here without you
But I do, in fact, know what to do
I just don't know what I
want to do
about you.
Should I send the letter that lays in the open?
The one that lays, stark and naked, straight forward as hell and blunt?
Should I sent the letter that resides completely next to it?
The one that rests, casually but firmly, with belief that we can work this out?
Should I sent the letter that accuses and points the fingers of blame?
The one that could definitely be supported without a doubt, but that I might feel bad about or unreasonably harsh for sending?
Should I send the letter that begs for him to return?
The one that weeps and cries for his return and ultimately fears that he never will and will inexplicably, and unknown to me, throw away?
Or should I send the letter of each other letter, mentioned and not?
The one buried beneath all else: containing my feelings, my thoughts, my aches and pains, my hopes and desires, and all else?
I sit and wonder and others around me question my wondering.
They question why I wonder
instead of going straight on and forward, as they say, and getting rid of the problem
they question my reasons for sticking to him and not trying to find someone else,
maybe someone better,
because maybe I wouldn't have to look that far or hard,
and maybe I know that.
This letter, all-knowing of everything I know to be true in my head and omniscient of all that lies in my heart, would be the perfect letter in the perfect setting
if only I could find it, in all its perfectness, underneath this pile-up of absolutely everything in my head.
since you been gone.

And then, the face stays--
just forehead and eyes and upper nose or nostrils
but, nevertheless, directly half-and-half of my viewpoint.
I see it
but not the whole thing
as in, not the whole picture
I simply, inexplicably cannot see, nor imagine, the whole picture although I'm pretty sure I know what it looks
at least kind of
 like you
 being gone
 and all
 and fallen off the face of the earth... except not really...
 I just don't know.
And I can't decide or determine whether the face watches with solemn passivity
or looks on as I make a decision
or counts the seconds until I come to the final conclusion
or sees my brain turn and wind up
or senses my heart back down and step up, steadily or not so much, like the constant rolls of thunder or waves in the sea
or reminisces about its own memories, other, more interesting things it has witnessed and completely ignores me
or counsels my spirit with that knowing look
or blankly stares for it so happens to be inanimate
Does being inanimate mean anything to a mask?
If not, why does it matter?
And if not, what could "being inanimate" keep the mask from doing?
Why is it even a mask now?
It's just a face
And it watches carefully, or not.
And it watches unknowingly, or the opposite.
And it watches as I make my decision
and reach for a letter
buried beneath.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Yeahhh...ummm. It's one o'clock in the morning.

Yeahh.. I don't really want to go to sleep because I don't really feel like I have anything to sleep for. I don't have anything much important to do tomorrow. I don't have to get up in the morning. Sleep isn't happening yet. I don't really feel that there is anything to sleep for.

I mean, who's going to be there to talk to tomorrow?
The same people.

Of course, I adore all of them...but ... There's something that I'm missing.

And anyone observant could probably figure it out.

I just don't have much of a reason to sleep right now.

Not much of a reason or two.

But I'm going to sleep soon.

Plus, if I don't go pretty soon I'll start to get hungry and that's always uncomfortable...

Thursday, June 14, 2012


Oh my goo.... I have not done this in SOO TOO LOONG.


I loooovveee this song... It's amazing. ^_^ I haven't listened to the whole thing recently...just heard part of it on the radio, though, and I love it. It's just... such a good song. It really flows, like water, which the song is about so it makes sense.


The fantasticness of MOI, ME, YOURS TRULY. Yay


When I share a blog with someone...there's always the fear...that they'll see something they don't like...and it drives them away. Or anything that drives them away. And I love to share, but sometimes it's hard. You know?

Just..thinking about that. Hook is sleeping in my room...and I am on the bed.
And the rest is still unread.
Because it's future, see?
.. It's okay. :)

It's time to splurge the abnormality.
Irony, no? Exactly. It's not irony.
So so sorry ... This is definitely considerable as randomness..moving along. :)<3kitty

Uggghhh at these moments I hope nobody reads this and judges..


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

YAY SINCE no one puts numbers in my inbox on tumblr... I'm coming here to answer the questions because I feel like it :))))))

1. Full name. ---- lol. Call Me Kitty. ;) as always... or Kitty Ana Kelsey
2. Zodiac sign. ---- Virgoo
3. 3 Fears. ---- falling from heights, death, sometimes losing people that I love
4. 3 things I love. ----- my group of friends, my boyfriend, my family
5. My best friend. ---- ...don't have ONE. But one of them...: Bisael
6. Last song I listened to. ---- Ummm... Idk really... Call Me Maybe was one of the last ones
7. 4 Turn ons. ---- Idk if this is exactly what the question meant... but... 4 things I am attracted to in people (especially guys?) when hee holds my hand, when hee hugs me, his sense of humor, him being super sweet (kind of romantic, I guess?)
8. 4 Turn offs. ---- When people lie (especially straight to your face), When people don't care enough to be mindful of what's around them and they hurt people (especially who are supposed to be their best friends) even though they know (I mean, they would if they thought) that what they're doing is hurting their friends, WHEN YOU ARE MEAN TO MY BROTHER, Cussing...especially the really bad stuff like calling people a "whore" or the f-word. 
9. What colour underwear I'm wearing right now. ---- LOL one sec... XP ..oh...wait... I'm not wearing underwear. yeah, I'm wearing a bathing suit. It's blue and white and black. Swim team.
10. How many tattoos/piercings I have. ---- none, sadly. I keep missing all my breaks during which I would be able to get my ears pierced RAWR.
11. The reason why I joined Tumblr. ---- I found it and it looked cool and idk how I found it. I go crazy about blogs, as you all may know...
12. How I feel right now. ---- Content. :))
13. Something I really, really want. ---- A text from my boyfriend...
14. My current relationship status. ---- taken by a wonderful boy ;) could you tell? (DAYS LATER: BUT IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD TEXT ME, YA KNOW?? OK THANKS BYE.
15. Meaning behind my URL. ---- Well, this was made in, what?, sixth grade? Maybe seventh? Yuppperz pupperz.. and, well, I had been talking recently with supercrazygamegeek about how he "wasn't abnormal; [he] was abnormality" lol... and so when I discovered this place (yay!) I decided it would be a compilation of TOTAL randomness that came and went from my mind. Whatever the heck I wanted. Perfect outlet for the colorful, random, hyper mind of a middle schooler. Man, middle schoolers are crazy lol. ^_^
16. My favourite movie(s). ---- Allll the Harry Potter ones...
17. My favourite song(s). ---- Drops of Jupiter by Train, Skyscraper by Demi Lovato
18. My favourite band(s). ---- We Are Augustines, We The Kings, Carolina Liar, Train, others...
19. 3 Things that upset me. ---- When people are completely rude and mean to others for no reason, especially when it's so easy for them on the internet and stuff., when anyone (even other friends) are mean or mindlessly mean to my friends, when I'm alone with my mind for too long and I convince myself of things that are negative and get confused and can't figure anything out.
20. 3 Things that make me happy. ---- my friends (without fail, lol), my boyfriend, Puppy
21. What I find attractive in other people. ---- personality, respective of others, has manners (verry impressive), when they can be serious, eyes, guys being tall lol but they don't have to be..., a sense of humor, not too perverted, gives hugs, doesn't care too much about what other people thinks but is still a nice person, that's not all...but cool. good enough for an answer, I suppose.
22. Someone I miss. ---- lol. again. I know... but, my boyfriend.
23. Someone I love. ---- sammmmmeeeeee^^^^^^^^^^.... ^_^ Or Bisael. loads of people, really. :))
24. My relationship with my parents. ---- Fantasmagical :)) It's really really good. I feel truly blessed.
25. My favourite holiday. ---- :D uhmm... Christmas
26. My closest Tumblr friend. ---- uhhh vengefulhearts ;)
27. Someone from Tumblr that I'd date. --- no one, really... but if I was a dude, any of those girls who feel down on themselves a lot. :/ Because they're really beautiful and deserve to feel meaningful.
28. A confession. ---- I go for days without showering sometimes. Ew. Okay. That's not that bad. I mean, there are worse things out there. Oooh I know. Last year at swim, I often was verrryy uncomfortable because I had to walk around the pool barefoot and swim while also trying to hide the fact that I was missing a few layers of skin off my heels and big toes where I had peeled them off.
29. 3 Things that annoy me easily. ---- my brother, myself, my friends when I'm cranky
30. My favourite animal(s). ---- cats and dogs.
31. My pets. ----- Hook: my black labrador retriever. Itsy-Bitsy: my tuxedo kitty. Smudge: my black kitty. Puppy: the stray corgi puppy that came to our house and I think WE MIGHT ACTUALLY KEEP HER *HAPPY DANCE* I WIN.
32. One thing I've lied about. ---- what I'm doing on the computer
33. Something that's currently worrying me. ---- the fact that these people actually might have pushed this newlywed groom off the edge of his honeymoon cruise... rawr :'''(((((
34. An embarrassing moment. ----- The last week of school when I walked in on four fine arts people in a meeting in my piano teacher's room to get my track bag. I just opened the door and walked in goshdarnit I couldn't just leave without the bag. -////_////-
35. Where I work. ---- MWAHAHA no where.
36. Something that's constantly on my mind. ---- my boyfriend? ehhh...not allll the time... but a lot of it... kind of, I mean... oh, idk. Nothing, really.. Nothing stays ALWAYS.
37. 3 Habits I have. ---- picking the skin around my fingers and toes and on my heels, tumblr, staying up really late on the internettt.....
38. My future goals. ---- to do well in school and get into a good college. I'd like to go to Susquehana. I'd love to publish my writing. And also to go into something that has to do with veterinary work or psychology.
39. Something I fantasise about. ---- being with my boyfriend.... , um, I haven't visited my Harry Potter dream world in a while lol :D loved that place, SINGING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE YES
40. My favourite store(s): Forever 21, Target/Wal-Mart, Delia's, ... the whoolllleee malll....
41. My favourite food(s): chocolate, ice cream, chicken (nuggets, tenders lol)
42. What I did yesterday.: Stayed at home and watched, like, 5 movies on Style Channel. Also, Giuliana and Bill on that channel... ummm... not much. watched a lot of TV, movies, uhhh oh yeah! I went shopping for groceries and makeup and nail polish with my mom :)
43. Something I'm talented at.: singing :DD, giving advice...
44. My idea of a perfect date.: Uhmm... anything, as long as I'm with him? Alone is niceee :)), I think it'd be cool to watch a movie with him.. :)) OMG AN OUTSIDE MOVIE. LOL that'd be soo cool :D lol
45. My celebrity crush(es).: umm... Zac Galifianki---JK JK JK JK JK. Seriously, no, but I love him. he's hilarious. Tbh, ... Taylor Lautner, ... umm...idk I haven't paid attention to celebs in a while. Yup. Taylor Lautner. always lol <3
46. A photo of myself... --- lol no sorry ;)
47. My favourite blog(s) ---- Idk on here... sorry...ummm... on tumblr: coolcutestylish, vengefulhearts, maidofpasta, annnd... overdose-of-sweetness, some others :))
48. Number of kids I want. --- two or three?
49. Do I smoke/drink. ----- lol no. I have much better things to do. :D
50. Any question you'd like. ---- n/a man I'm hungry bye :) yay ice cream

Monday, May 28, 2012

Watching Aladdin...ABC Fam...

The saddest part of the whole freaking movie is when Genie watches the tower that Jafar puts Aladdin in go up in the sky. It's so depressing. He's just sitting there, I can't do a fricking thing and there he goes and he's gone forever.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Okay soooo I juuusst finished geometry. I didn't die or anything. (yay!)
With, like, 45 minutes left I realized that "L" and "l" are not the same thing and that there is an equation to find "L" on my helper sheet and "l" is included in that equation and that is the difference!
And so I had to go back and fix everything. I got to the second to last page and there was just under an hour left. And I had just zoned out, picked off all the purple nail polish I had on... And thought about two different movies in length.

I. Zoned. Out. So. Much. During. That. Test. Oh. My. Gosh.

I thought about (guesstimation)2 movies, 1 TV show, 1 song, and 3 people during that test. That probably adds up to about 30ish minutes of thinking about NOT-MATH.
I think I did that last time too.
And i STILL finished 15 minutes early.

No point in checking over it all. I wasn't going to comprehend my answers anymore than I already had.

So now.... Two Exams, Three Periods down & Three Exams, Four Periods to go.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Magpie #117

Picture here.

A meal takes place
An empty space
Sitting in a bowl
Sotting and rotting and ceramically whole.
The fruit lays just behind.
Out of reach, not out of mind, for those who care to dare to sit
At this meal
And then,
Comes the decision
"the sun goes down
the stars go out"

Reach for the fruit, unforbidden,
Though still daunting
Simply, inexplicably because there's a choice
And there never was one before,
Just maybe,
Our "universe will never be the same"
Or we could just leave and wait
For someone to decide instead
Or to place it within a reaching point.

Magpie Tales

La. La. La. Poema.

Here's the structure-y and partial explanation one. The just there one is here.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want..."

Shit! I'm supposed to be at Chamber Singers practice.

"He maketh me lie down in green pastures..."

I can't believe I forgot!

"He leadeth me besideth still waters.."

It started a whole freaking hour ago.

"He restoreth my soul..."

I hope they don't get mad at me.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

Okay, I'm not worried about the teachers. But what if I get in trouble with my student leader?

"I will fear no evil..."

That would be an awful way to start out the year. I can't believe I forgot. I'm so stupid.

"For thou art with me..."

But maybe they'll cut me some slack since its only my first practice.

"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..."

And I'm only a freshman.

------ [Part 2]

"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies..."

Oh, but the best conversations with a friend are the ones during which you tell your most personal ways of being. And the ones you can't figure out by yourself, you figure out together.

"Thou anointest my head with oil..."

Because the best thing I want for you is for you to be truly happy and truly you.

"My cup overfloweth..."

However, do remember that you can never do anything to be any more you.

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me..."

I have to tell you that tomorrow.

"All the days of my life..."

I guess I don't have to, but I want to some day soon.

------ [End of Part One and Two]

"And I will live in the house of the Lord forever."

And we'll all be okay, you know.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

There comes a time...

There comes a time when you're blogging and you've been blogging that you stop caring what people think you'll do. I mean, it's my diary. And at this time, you don't even have to explain yourself because there's no point and you just don't feel like it.

It makes it all too wordy. ^^ And it seems too high-maintenance, dontcha think?

She Exists: DIY - Try at Home 2

There used to be a link but I clicked on it and brought up an ugly pop up that I do not wish to send anyone to. .... Maybe google searching "she exists: DIY - try at home 2” will work? But I am removing the link. I have no idea what this DIY is for. I forgot. But I wouldn't have posted it without looking at it first. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

La poema que escribé en la clase de español

Cuando irás en el invierno y querré sólo tu regreso
Pero cuando regresarás en el verano,
No tendré deseo para tu regreso
No lo querré más
Y ocultaré

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Ohhhhh nothing.... Just this poem that I'm insanely proud of.

^^+ not just for writing it. I just presented this in chapel in front of my 300+ peers and teachers and even though I was shaking intensely no one noticed it (they never do) and everyone has told me my speaking was really smooth. Audlang even told me it was "perfect". She may seem quiet, but talking to her about my poem is one of the most intelligent sounding--if not simply intelligent--conversations I've ever had. I mean, I knew it before...but she's smart! She's so sweet too...I love her. :)
You know what is a HUGE confident boost??
This: walking back to my seat in the almost-back of the room and 3 teachers telling me I did really well (Mrs. P, the literary club and journalism head/teacher who is the teacher for the school newspaper!!, and somebody else... + Sancheeto giving me a high five and a girl in the advisory that sits next to me (just so happening to sit next to the empty seat I was traversing towards) who I knew was nice and stuff in the first place and have known since 6th grade so it's not like she's a stranger, told me I did really well as I sat down.
And this all happening during chapel. As I walk back while other stuff is going on on the stage and they took the time to tell me I did great and "really really well" and OH MY GOSH. And our principle and Mrs. Ward and oh I'm so insanely proud of myself and my poem.

Here it is (in boring, structured form. WARNING: structure WILL fall apart)

Think About It
It's not just a poem
It's a story
a line
a piece of a time
or of yours
It's not just a sunset
It's a time set, a place that we once met and sat and read for hours on end
and painted
It's not just having a boyfriend--or a best friend--or even a team!
It's a possibility
It's potential
it's taking a chance and finding out for yourself who you are and who you can be
She's not just a puppy
But a confidant, a confident bouncy roll of fur, and a tearful, inevitable goodbye wrapped into one
And this isn't just a life that one leads
It's a life that we lead
and we can lead so together and together as one
It's a give and take situation
where we give life and can't take it
but we try to take it anyways
and sometimes we succeed


And now, with some inspiration from my tags...I leave with:

My Freshman Poem and Because I Did
Take a chance
Take a bow
Hear the sound
Insanely proud
Of the cheers
That you hear
When you listen
because you can

^^this, my friend, is how I feel about it all now. The presentation, the poem, everything.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

And I Sing It Like A Shakespearean Sonnet

Ohh, but a laugh.
As precious as a flower.
'Tis not what's in a name.
'Tis what is in a laugh with an open hand beside it.

---makes me think of Shakespeare's stuff. My own twist, darlings.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Me Watching Harry Potter and the Order Of The Pheonix

V: yyeaaahhh I'm so constipated why must you do this to me dumbly?
Glass shatters. Dumbly...always there to protect.
...Voldy trying to be a ballerina. Then...into the boy he goes.
And the I am standing, holding harry's hand as he goes down.

"Oh no oh no oh no. Get out of him! Get out! You don't belong! Take me! Take me instead! No! We have not lost!"
--"Harry, it's not how you are alike. It's how you are not."
--"You're the weak one. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you."
--"You're a fool, Harry Potter. And you will lose everything."
"Starting with this girl."
And he possesses me.
"Get OUT, TOM! GET OUT! You awful....how could you ever become such a monster!"
But more importantly.
"You think you will win, but you have no idea. Harry...he is stronger. Stronger than you will ever be. Stronger than you could ever imagine. You have no idea. *laughs* I'm the only other one who can see his feelings AND his thoughts, his dreams AND his ideas, his desires AND his memories. You are only in his mind, and not forever even. I am in his heart. Maybe not forever either, but those things last a lifetime anyways. Memories fade. The heart never does. You will fade. Harry's attempts, deeds, and successes will live on."
"Silly girl...."
"But all of that doesn't *gasps for air* matter...right...now... GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET! OUT!"
"you will die"
Harry shakes me.
"No! K[itty]! No!"
"yes. Potter. YESS..."
"No, Voldemort. You will lose. You will lose everything. GET OUTTTT!"
One last arch of the back.
One last scream.
And he is shoved out of my body.
My body goes limp.
The ministry comes in. The minister comes in. They see my back arch. They hear my scream. They see me scream. They see Voldemort rush out of my chest, rush out of my mouth, rush out of my eyes, rush out of my nose. I can't breathe. I don't think anyone breathed for a few seconds.
And just like that, they see Voldemort standing. And just like that, he's gone.
"He's back."
And I am limp.
Dumbledore is bent over me.
"K[itty]? K[itty]?"
I don't know it, but I am in Harry's arms.
No, not in a romantic way. But he's holding me because that's the way I fell. Well, I didn't really fall. 'twas indeed the way I got down next to him when Voldemort went inside of him. He's one of my best friends, you know.
But I am on the ground. And he was too.
But Voldemort is gone now. And so am I.
"Her heart! Her heartbeat! Dumbledore! She's dead! She's not breathing! NOO!"
And just after losing Sirius too. It was all but too much to bear. But, oh, it WAS too much to bear. As he goes into shock...as does the rest of the people there...Tonks...Hermione...Ron...Fudge...everyone...only Dumbledore stays calm. But, wait, he's shaking. Even Dumbldore is shaken. He lifts me up and Harry and apparates back to Hogwarts. He rushes through the doors of the hospital wing with me in his arms and pulling Harry, who is in almost too bad of shape to even walk.
"But Dumbledore.."
"Shh. Madame Pomfrey! Please would you make a bed right now?"
She comes out of her office, rubbing her eyes.
"But Dumbledore. It's so late...OH OH NO ...OH dear me... Yes, yes, right away. How bad is it? Is she..?"
He lays me on the bed.
"She's not breathing."
"She's not--- but Dumbledore! We should take her to St. Mungo's now!"
"I'm afraid there's nothing they can do for her there."
"But...the parents...her family..."
"Are half way around the world. Please, just...prepare a bed for her...with an extra curtain around it for those who wish to see her in privacy. And please, would you send an owl for Fred Weasley? Or a patronus? Whichever one is faster will do."
Harry is crying. Madame Pomfrey has the same look of shock on her face.
"yes...yes...of course, but...yes." and she hurries off.
She knows Fred is my boyfriend. She knows how much he cares about me and how much I cared about him. She sends the patronus and Harry sits on a chair inside the extra curtain next to me in the bed. Dumbledore, after one last glance and a shaking hand on Harry's shaking shoulder, spins out of the hospital wing to attend to the minister, my friends, the people's realization that we were right about Voldemort being back all along, the media, and eventually...receiving Fred at the great door of Hogwarts.

Now back to the real thing [I would keep writing, but it's late and I should go to bed. It's okay though. This is all marked into my head forever.]:

Stupidest line ever: "He's back."

Oh, the awful confrontation.
--"It's my fault."
--"No it's mine."
"no. You couldn't stop it. You can't. It's against everything."
"that doesn't keep it from being awful."

--H: "We've got one thing that Voldemort doesn't have."
--R: Yeah?
--H: Something worth fighting for.

Thursday, March 15, 2012


Watching March Madness in Biology... I hope (WE ALL HOPE) she doesn't make us do lab today.

Please, no. Please.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Ohhhhhhh my tummy...

Just chugged 16 fluid ounces of that GREEN Tropical Blend Gatorade...and now my tummy hurts...and my throat is tight.

I think I could possibly almost throw up. Yay! Homework time! I am definitely getting more than 3 hours of sleep tonight! Although.... I DID get about 40 minutes of sleep today and whatever 1 hour and 30 minutes minus that 40 of closed-eye and trying-to-sleepy time. :)) it was wonderful. It probably would have been more wonderful if I had actually gotten a decent amount of sleep the night before.

And guess what? I'm ONLY running the open 800!!! ONLY THE 800??!?!?! Seriously?? It was kind of disappointing at first... But I can handle it lol. I'll just rock the socks off of people in the 800. But first, I must finish my homework so I can get a nice nights sleep after I take 39 (approximate) minutes to get all my stuff together and find my spikes...

Oohh...my spikes. I wonder where they have...... OH MY GOO I THINK I ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE THEY ARE!! YESSSS RIGHT UP IN MY ROOM THIS IS FANTASMAGICAL. And YES they're the right one's. I love my spikes. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I am actually considering putting a picture of them on here. They're HOT PINK. I LOVE THEM. I got compliments last year WHILE I WAS RUNNING THE 3200 from girls on ANOTHER TEAM at a BIG, IMPORTANTE meet! They yelled, "I love your shoes!" while i ran past. Oh my gosh, that was a wonderful feeling. ^_^
And now, to keep the wonderful feeling going I'm going to get off of here and leave you be.
And leave myself be to work on my homework and stuff.

...it's really wonderful to be back on here. I've really missed the splurges of abnormality. And I'll try to continue the 364 day challenge over spring break next week, okay? Some things are just more important, but not forever. :) I'll finish it, and you know I will. :))

Love. Peaches. Chicken greases. Rock on foozsh. Three wor[l]ds, girls.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Magpie #108

Magpie 108. Picture here.

Tunnel vision, blurry now, coming faster
Trees whizz by and Coke fizzes-by, towards you faster
Standing in the clearing
What more you wish to see?
You don't see me a-running from the darkness midst the trees. 
Here.. I am coming
Coming for you here and now
Running out the jungle
Of leaves and flowers turning brown
But brown they were, and now they're blackish green from dark of night. 
But you don't see this, do you, dear?
Because you're a-standing in the light. 
I could be a werewolf, wet and fiery for your flesh. 
Or a vampire, sparkly diamonds, classical music, and your death. 
Or maybe I'm you're savior as you rush into the light
Away from death, you think, away from fright...
Away from even fight
But fight you must
And fight you will
Although for now you're forever captured
Standing in the light
Outside the dark
In this picture
Which you see blurred
As I run faster

Thursday, March 8, 2012


HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAYYY!!!! To all my fellow ladies out there: Congrats. You just went through an all-day celebration of you. I hope it felt like one, but if it didn't... Someone somewhere was thinking of you.

If you don't believe me, that sucks because I'm sure thousands of people (including myself) were thinking of women all over the world and those women include you! (unless you're not a woman. Sorry guys)

Annnddd it is the birthday of my 2 B-Long N Thz World Blog! (www.tobelonginthisworld.blogspot.com) which I have been (sadly) posting on WAAYYYY MORE than on here. I need to get up my 365 day challenge back again lol.


But, hey, that's okay. Failing is an option.

Soooo I hope everyone has a wonderful, blessed night. You all are wonderful, blessed people. I love you so much! And if you don't believe me, I'm sure somebody else somewhere does!

Love. Peaches. Chicken greases. Rock on foozsh. 3 words girls. ... <3 Kitty