I have a poem for you all

In the morning. 

Another one about le sitch, but more directed towards the support I'll get from my friends, even when they simply //know// what's going on. They don't have to know what to do. But just for them to be there...I'm so excited. I can't wait. 

Also, this is my first mobile post ever, which is kind of cool. I'm on my phone leaning with my neck and head off the bed. Meant to go to sleep forty minutes ago oops. Hopefully the kids at camp will be loud and the lunch will be good. Here's to being hopeful. 

Love//peace:/chickengrease

These Are Just The Words That Try To Sound Good Together

We are so different
You and I
You know you can touch the world
All I see is I can't touch the sky.
I think if I wanted to, I would break my emergency glass every day.
I don't think you would do it.
You know you're surrounded by people who reel from your mistakes and that knowledge is pressed against yourself so deeply it brings tears to your eyes at the slightest shadow.
Meanwhile, I am afraid simply because my body does not want to be who I what I am what am I and my brainspeed spikes at random intervals like a racing heart back down again as quickly as it spun out of control the first time and I am too afraid to become still.




~!!!~
Love, Peace, Chicken Grease, Rock on:
There's a thing we remember about thoughts. Fleeting. Wild. Remember Me and Think of Me For More Than My Thoughts. 

Magpie 223

❥

Magpie Tales (223)

*note: this may have been the first time I came up with the poem without looking at the picture immediately before or while writing it.... I was supposed to be trying to sleep and the thoughts just hit me and I made myself write it down instead of letting them be lost in my brain.

because then they'd be gone from the concrete world forever.

This is exactly how it was written out on my iPhone.. 11:21 pm June 13, 2014 and exactly how it is laid out, by whatever chance, in my "Notes" app (fixed just a couple typos).

 ∞∞∞∞∞

Tonight

I really don't want to fall asleep

Hugging my pillow

Nothing is good for that kind of thing

That kind of hugging thing

It's like a broken record the tape

slung out the voices eternally set to

a shriek

It dulled my head

And I think

I know I pushed it

Kept pushing it

Saying it was beautiful music

And now I am here

After each push the tap lasts for a 

little longer

The recording still holds its face

together for a couple more months

And what if this is the final tear

And I've finally ripped the present

Torn the music apart

It's gone

-June 13, 2014. 11: 21 pm.

❤♥ ❥(>‿◠)✌ ☮🍗🎉

Post-TFiOS part 2 (aka my second viewing)

Hazel Grace is right. It's not fair.

It's not fair that he loves me the way Augustus Waters loved Hazel Grace.
I don't love him the way Hazel Grace loves Augustus Waters. It's not fair.

I said "I love you, too" tonight and I didn't feel guilty, really, because I actually do love him so don't think that I don't. I love him the way I love him but he loves me like he's the living, breathing Augustus Waters and I am Hazel Grace and I do not so often return that love anymore. And it shouldn't be like that. I don't think it sounds right or should feel right to anyone and it is too unfair it makes me sick.

Summer Advice via AndreasChoice (YouTube)

One person I really love on YouTube is Andrea from the channel "AndreasChoice".

I watched one of, well, all of her recent videos and in the haul one where she was sharing a few things she got for summer.... some of the things she said just made me so happy ^_^

So...how about that advice? Or maybe they're tips or maybe we can just pretend it sounds like advice and therefore take it....   ^_~


Andrea says:" If you don't have every pair of mirrored sunglasses, like, is it really summer for you?"

Andrea says: "Jay-Lo be glowin'."

Andrea says: "Do I have a habit of putting on too much blush? ... ... ... Yeah."

Just accept your too much blushin'! What are the people going to do? Beat you? With point sticks and pointy teeth? No! You go get them rosy cheeks and dude I do the exact same thing that's exactly why I don't wear blush anymore oops haha

Also...something exciting...
    I'm going to my first cross country practice of 2014 tomorrow morning! Wish me luck ugh runnninngggg at least I won't have to go to swim practice haha but my poor hair is gonna be soaking in the chlorine from today until after practice tomorrow morning. That may not be a very good idea, and I realize it, but we just gonna have to deal with it because I am not taking a shower right now. I have to get up in 8 1/2 hours and I DESPERATELY LONG for that kind of sleep before getting up as early as 7 am.

And it's even a non-mandatory practice! I don't think I've ever made it to one of those before! So exciting! I'm being all productive and everything this summer and it's barellyyy June. It's only an hour and 40 minutes until Thursday and I have already finished almost two of my clay people augh I'm opening my Etsy store this year I'm so so pleased and I think I'm going to write "Wednesday Violets: I'm Alive" (inspired by the sky this evening at sundown) on the back of my favorite jean jacket vest that I upcycled from a jean jacket that no longer fit me last year and I just painted "DON'T CLOSE YOUR" on the back of a vest I just made out of an old tie dye t shirt I don't wear anymore and I'm going to add the eyes (yes, actual drawings of eyes) tomorrow.

Here's to remembering my shoes are in the back of the car so I don't freak out in the morning. Also, here's to them actually being there but at least I'm getting up an hour before I have to be there and I'm already dressed.

Love/Peace/ChickenGrease/RockOn
-Kelsey

One Thing I'm Learning About Divorce...

No matter how "prepared" I was for it beforehand...

No matter how much I knew beforehand that makes it completely realistic for it to happen...

the more I tell other people that my parents are getting a divorce, the more real it seems and the more it hurts and the less I can convince myself that everything is working out for the best.

I Love My Dreams, But...

It's really sad when I wake up and there are all these sounds going on .... because I promptly forget what happened in my dream and whether I relax or search for it, it's like the dream just goes *poof*.

I have great dreams. No, honestly, I do. They're all colorful, vibrant, crazy (and I don't necessarily mean colorful in actual colors although I remember them all in color). There's usually a bad guy that we're running from and trying to fix the wrongdoings of (often a group of people). I think once it was like Star Wars and people were using the force. Last night probably got jumbled in with the 6 episodes of Switched At Birth I watched because I mean, dude, have you seen the new commercials/previews/teaser (sorry, I never really know what to call it) on ABC Family for the new season premiere? It makes me wonder why I ever stopped watching. Maybe I am so shallow that it was because Emmett and Bay didn't get back together....

I think they're adorable for life. One of you randoms out there have to believe in it too, right? I have some support?

Whether or not I have support, I guess, is fine. I mean, I still reeeaalalllyyy wanted Bae and Emma to be together from Once Upon A Time, even though Baelfire is obviously dead... And, well, that ended well before certain things happened but... you know, I held on to it well after people around me were like WOO CAPTAIN SWAN 5EVER -- except actually I think all the other Baelfire x Emma people were transitioning the same way I was actually so this last little paragraph thing is probably completely useless or something.

Anywayyysss
I am assuming last night's dream is probably all jumbled up with Switched At Birth, and that assumption comes because when I try to think of my dream in pictures or anything, really, I come up with what I remember to be Switched At Birth. And I guess you could assume maybe some of my dreams were scenes from the show, but I honestly don't think so. Even now, it came to me that Emmett may have been a dude in my dream, but I really don't think so.... When I try to search for memories of the dream... all I find in relation to the dream is a bunch of feelings that I relate to the dream. Now, I'm not exactly sure what they are but I feel a sort of excitement in myself, the excitement I get from having dreams.

So here's to quiet mornings and writing down dreams.
But, also, here's to the fact that I don't completely feel like crying when I lose a dream anymore. I've decided that it's still somewhere inside me and will probably affect my future writing in some way. Meanwhile, I have lots of dreams... lots more than a lot of people have in their conscious easy-to-pick-and-pull-from memory. Also, one of the first fiction stories I started writing was based on a dream. I remember that dream forever. I love the happenings like that so much. Therefore, I'm so so so glad I taught myself that it's okay if I lose a dream...even if it was really grand...

So here's to the dreams that get sucked back into the deepest recesses of my brain where, although I can't even find them, they make me a much cooler person than I was before.

Love/Peace/ChickenGrease/Rock on  ♥ ♥ ♥